Tori Vega: When everything in the store looks good on you, it's hard to decide what to buy.
Jade West: When even vampire makeup doesn't make you look scary.
Trina Vega: When people are jealous cuz you're sooooooooooo much prettier than they are.
Beck Oliver: Casting directors never take you seriously when you read for the part of the "Ugly Best Friend".
Cat Valentine: Wasting your whole day staring at yourself in the mirror.
André Harris: You don't know how to pop a zit because you've never gotten one before.
Sikowitz: When the lady at the coffee shop puts extra cream in your coffee to impress you... but you're lactose intolerant. (And the bathroom is occupied)
Robbie Shapiro: Fun house mirrors don't make me look goofy.
Sinjin Van Cleef: I don't have anything to contribute to this topic. :(
Robbie Shapiro: I still can't believe they closed the internet.
Sinjin Van Cleef: The sore on my face keeps getting infected. Can you please apply my ointment for me?
Tori Vega: Will you please tell Trina to stop asking if she's in the will.
André Harris: The post office is run by aliens trying to enter your home and steal your ketchup.
Cat Valentine: I never tell the security guards at the airport that I have a fake knee. It's always funny when it sets off the alarms and they freak out.
Sikowitz: Why am I still alive? I'm 108 years old. Even my youngest grandchild is balding.
Rex Powers: My grandma was recycled years ago. She's now part of an outdoor dining set.
Jade West: I don't understand why you've dyed your hair black and blue. You look like a bad bruise.
Beck Oliver: Can you believe The Cheesecake Warehouse is now charging full-price for seniors? I wish someone would fix the economy before 4 PM today!
Tori Vega: When A Man Loves a Turkey (When A Man Loves a Woman)
Jade West: Hit Me with Your Best Sauce (Hit Me with Your Best Shot)
Trina Vega: Teenage Cream Corn (Teenage Dream)
Beck Oliver: Total Eclipse of the Tart (Total Eclipse of the Heart)
Cat Valentine: You Belong with Meat (You Belong with Me)
André Harris: I've Got a Filling (I've Got a Feeling)
Sikowitz: Gravy, Gravy, Gravy (Baby, Baby, Baby). I think I have what they call Bieber Fever.
Robbie Shapiro: Miss Indigestion (Miss Independent)
Rex Powers: All The Northridge Girls. There's no Thanksgiving twist on that one. It's just all I could think about.
Tori Vega: Don't invite your ex-boyfriend. He'll probably just end up weeping into his creamed corn while he begs you to take him back.
André Harris: Don't remind your grandma the turkey used to be alive. She'll be worried about turkey terrorists all night long.
Trina Vega: Don't waste your hottest outfit on dinner when only your family is going to be there to see you.
Sinjin Van Cleef: Don't chew your dinner and spit it out just to see the awesome fall colors on your plate. People don't like that.
Beck Oliver: Don't let Jade say grace before dinner starts unless you want your family to cry.
Jade West: Don't lock your annoying cousin in the basement. Your dad might call the cops on you.
Robbie Shapiro: Don't wear your tightest jeans to the dinner table because it's embarrassing to have to unbutton them at the table.
Rex Powers: Don't get too close to the oven if you don't want your face to melt.
Sikowitz: Don't miss Thanksgiving because you forgot what day it's on. Apparently it's always on a Thursday. Or is it Friday?
#I'm Thankful For
Robbie Shapiro: I'm thankful for yoga pants... and the girls who wear them to my yoga class.
Cat Valentine: I'm thankful for my hair because my head would be cold without it.
Rex Powers: I'm thankful for the community of Northridge and the ladies it produces.
Sikowitz: I'm thankful for Hollywood Arts because I was headed to the carnival before I got this job.
Trina Vega: I'm thankful because I'm everything a boy would want.
André Harris: I'm thankful for my fingers 'cuz without them I couldn't play the piano -- and my friends would call me Nubby.
Tori Vega: I'm thankful for ear plugs whenever Trina is singing in the shower.
Beck Oliver: I'm thankful for Jade because if I don't write that, she'll text-harass me all night.
Jade West: I'm thankful that we only have to be thankful on one day and that day will be over soon.
#Bad Mall Experiences
Robbie Shapiro: Those shirtless models that hang out in front of stores. They make me feel inferior.
Cat Valentine: When you come out of a store to find your brother knee-deep in the fountain picking up "free money."
Rex Powers: Mall Santas. I don't wanna sit on some grown man's lap? Why not a cute lady elf? I'd sit on her lap.
Sikowitz: Getting arrested for not wearing shoes in the mall. Do you know how gross the police station floor is?
Trina Vega: When the hot guy who works at The Pear Store tells you he isn't allowed to date customers. I think he's lying.
André Harris: When the person in front of you at the check out counter is paying her $48 bill in dimes and pennies.
Tori Vega: When that annoying guy with the slicked back hair at the cell phone store keeps asking you for your number... again!
Beck Oliver: When those perfume ladies spray me like I'm on fire. I'm a boy. I don't want to smell like petunias.
Jade West: That store where moms dress like their little girls and their little girls dress like their dolls. What is up with that?
#New Years Resolutions
Robbie Shapiro: I resolve to think up really good comebacks to Rex's insults.
Cat Valentine: I resolve to focus more on what I'm doing so that... hey did you ever wonder why frogs can't speak Spanish?
Sinjin Van Cleef:I resolve to be able to fit into even skinnier jeans.
Sikowitz: I resolve to finally find that 35 cents I lost in my couch cushions in 2003.
Trina Vega: I resolve to stay perfect for one more year
André Harris: I resolve to become an overnight millionaire as a singer/songwriter. Hey, I can dream right?
Tori Vega: I resolve to record at least 3 original songs this year -- or at least 3 really good covers.
Beck Oliver: I resolve to follow my resolution at least through January... then I reserve the right to change it.
Jade West: I resolve to be less nice to people. I've been waaaaaay too easy on you guys this year.
#Stuff Sikowitz Says
Trina Vega: My fave Sikowitz quote: "I put my pants on both legs at a time!" --> How is this even possible?! If it were, I'd be able to do it!
André Harris: I liked it when he said, "Oh shoot, my mom forgot to put a note in my lunch today." --> Like he's 8 years old. Ha!
Robbie Shapiro: Sikowitz's best advice to me was: "When life leads you to a fork in the road, you should really go back home. It just gets too confusing." --> Truer words have never been spoken.
Tori Vega: This one made me sad because I actually DID this to him! --> "I don't know why people keep handing me dollar bills while I'm waiting for the bus. Do I look like I need the cash?!?"
Sinjin Van Cleef: My favorite Sikowitz quote: "You there, boy. Fetch me my coconuts." It was the first time he'd ever talked to me. I felt so honored.
Cat Valentine: My favorite quote from him was this: "Teaching acting is like coconut farming. Except you don't need to drill into students' heads to get out the acting juice. Actually it's nothing like coconut farming. Nevermind."
Beck Oliver: Sikowitz to me: "Cherish your hair." Uh, thanks.
Jade West: "Your acting was so terrifying, I'll have to sleep with the lights on tonight." My proudest moment.
Sikowitz: I liked when I said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." That's one of mine right?
#Dumb Hollywood Arts Rules
André Harris: No singing in the hallways. Really? No singing at a performance arts school?
Robbie Shapiro: No writing on/painting/defacing school lockers. (Whoever made that rule would faint if they came by today!)
Tori Vega: No more than 3 hamsters per pocket.<-- So two are allowed?? I need to know this right now!
Cat Valentine: Every month the mime club president must give a speech during lunch. <-- Wait, I thought mimes weren't allowed to eat?
Beck Oliver: No Cellphones. <-- HA!!! -- Sent from my PearPhone
Jade West: No kicking, biting, or head butting. <-- Is there a school where that's allowed? If so, goodbye Hollywood Arts.
Sikowitz: The school uniform used to include bell bottoms and platform shoes! I'm all for re-instating this!
Rex Powers: All students must stand and salute the principal whenever he/she walks into the room. <-- I'll stand, but it's not that much different than me sitting.
Sinjin Van Cleef: No purses allowed?!?! (Where am I supposed to keep my lip balm!?!)
#Vice Principal Insults
Tori Vega: He called me "Princess." Oh yeah, if I'm a princess, where's my prince?!? Take that Dickers!
Trina Vega: He once called me TORI Vega. Talk about an insult.
Beck Oliver: He calls me a "Pre-Turd." I guess it's better than a "Post-Turd," but I'm not sure.
Cat Valentine: He called me "Troubled." Only my psychiatrist is allowed to call me that! Which he frequently does, btw. :)
Rex Powers: "Short Stop." Yes I know I'm smaller than the average teen. It's just rude to point it out.
Robbie Shapiro: He called me "Side Salad." I think of myself as more of a main dish kind of guy. Thoughts?
Jade West: "Creepazoid." And I thanked him for the compliment.
Sikowitz: Yesterday he called me "Psycho-Twit." Haven't been called that since grade school.
André Harris: He called me "Sweat Pants" -- I was neither sweating nor wearing pants. Now if he called me "Dry Shorts," I'd get it.
Tori Vega: In your sleep. Especially if you're on the top bunk. Painful way to wake up.
Jade West: I'd say any time you Hammer Dance cuz you like it, not cuz you lost a bet is pretty inappropriate.
Lane Alexander: At the dentist. When that suction thingy is in your mouth.
Cat Valentine: My brother did The Hammer in a department store once. Except he wasn't dancing. He was hitting the mannequins with a hammer. The police were called.
Rex Powers: In airport security. Unless you want to be put on the No Fly List.
Robbie Shapiro: In a crowded elevator. You really gotta have some space to do The Hammer justice. It also FREAKS everyone else out.
Sikowitz: On a first date. Especially if you're SUPPOSED to be slow dancing.
Sinjin Van Cleef: At an art gallery opening. I thought it was entirely appropriate. Security didn't and threw me out.
Trina Vega: At a "We Hate the 90's Party." But seriously, who could hate the 90's? It was a great decade if only for giving birth to me.
#St. Pattys Day Wishes
Tori: I wish my voice will come back-- hate not talking! At least I can still type :) Imagine getting laryngitis before the internet! Ugh.
Trina: I wish everybody can feel as beautiful as I do. Actually, I really don't. I genuinely don't care how anyone feels but me.
Cat: I wish my hair color matched green better because right now I look like Christmas :(
Robbie: I wish I was good at ONE sport -- I'd even take archery at this point!
André: I wish weekends were the days we had to go to school and weekdays were our days off. Tired of waking up 5 days a week!
Beck: I wish Trina will forget that I exist. She's been stuck on me like waz to a toilet. And it's kinda just gross!
Jade: I wish that someone will pinch me today! I'd like to have a valid reason for crushing another human for once.
Rex: I wish I was Irish so I could say "I'm Irish so you gotta kiss me today." There is no holiday that celebrates puppets.
Sikowitz: I wish it was St. Patrick's Day 1994. I had a full head of hair and a mean set of sideburns. Having hair was glorious.
Tori: Loving how late it stays light! After school, I can still fit in a hike at Runyon Canyon before it gets dark! But... ouch, my legs are sore.
Trina: It's finally warm enough to wear my short shorts! Thank you mother nature for this weather and genetics for giving me nice legs!
Cat: YAY Spring! I can finally get those marshmallow chicks again. I don't eat them. I just make little movies with them. I call them "Chick Flicks."
Robbie: Spring is kind of awesome. Except the fact that I'm allergic to it. But maybe after I get my 64 shots on Monday it'll get better! Fingers crossed.
André: Loving the change in weather. Jackets always jank up my look.
Beck: Basketball. 6 PM. Venice Beach. Did I mention how awesome Spring is?!?
Jade: What's the opposite of "Thank God It's Spring"? Cuz I want to do the opposite of spring. Wear dark colors. Stay indoors and hibernate... #WishingItWasWinter
Rex: Every year at this time, I spend a week in Northridge. All the girls break out their spring wardrobes. Gotta love a lady in pink!
Sinjin: So glad Spring is here. My mom's been making me sleep outside for weeks now. She says baring the elements helps build character.
#Tap It Treats
Tori: I bought 4 deluxe car washes! I still don't have a car though.
Trina: I got a 4-hour photo session for 30 bucks. I don't think 30 bucks have ever been spent so well.
Robbie: I bought six belly dancing classes. The deal said it would make me more attractive and daring. Here's to hoping...
André: I got a 3-night stay at a five-star resort in Greenland for only $79.99. Not sure when I'm going to make it to Greenland, but when I do, I'm gonna do it in style.
Sikowitz: I got real human hair extensions for just $65 bucks. Wasn't until got them that I realized you have to attach the extentions to actual hair for them to work.
Cat: Dang it! I did it again. I bought 18 pounds of cat food at 40% off. But it was the only kind of food only cats should eat. I keep thinking It's food made just for me.
Rex: Got a coupon for half-off a dinner for two at a restaurant of my choice. But when I read the fine print, it said: Offer not valid in Northridge. Anyone want to buy it off me?
Sinjin: I've been wanting colored skinny jeans. So I bought a pair of mint green ones for cheap. I wore them and someone told me I looked like a piece of chewed gum. I took it as a compliment.
Jade: Last Halloween, I bought like 8 sets of realistic looking fangs. I got a lot of use out of those things all year.
#Trina Dont Know How To
Tori: #TrinaDon'tKnowHowTo walk by a mirror without looking at herself.
André: #TrinaDon'tKnowHowTo sing, dance, or act. She's a triple thud.
Beck: #TrinaDon'tKnowHowTo detach herself from me. The girl is all over me. All the time. She's like poison ivy. I need to get some anti-Trina spray.
Jade: #TrinaDon'tKnowHowTo be a normal human being that doesn't annoy me. It's like she was a robot created ONLY to drive me insane.
Cat: #TrinaDon'tKnowHowTo... uh, I don't like this topic. Do I have to say something mean? Her heels are too high but she walks in them very gracefully.
Rex: #TrinaDon'tKnowHowTo give a proper massage. Last time I asked her to give me one, she just punched me in my shoulder blade. That is NOT proper technique.
Festus: #TrinaDon'tKnowHowTo take no for answer. I told her we don't serve vegan meat loaf yet she asks for it every day. Last week, I gave her regular meat loaf and told her it was meatless. Oops.
#Stuff No One Says
Jade: Dingo Land is cool, I just wish they made you wait in the lines longer.
Beck: It's shark season! Everybody go to the beach!
Sikowitz: Take a deep breath of that wonderful Los Angeles air. Smog rocks!
Sinjin: I'm on a high-fructose corn syrup only diet.
Lane: That guidance counselor needs a raise! (sad but true)
Cat: gjaadaf hfhonnvnogrghorvnth! (Seriously, I've never heard anyone say that.)
Trina: Trina, you are untalented, annoying, and a horrible sister. (good thing no one actually says that)
André: Girls are just not attracted to Beck. He is having such a hard time finding a date for Friday night.
Lane: My hands were so lotion-y. I couldn't open my front door.
Cat: My brother ate my homework.
André: My Grandma freaked out and threw my car keys out the window because they looked like "alien weaponry."
Robbie: Rex hid all my underpants and I'm not going to school underpants-less!
Rex: Stuck in line at the DMV, apparently I don't meet the height requirements to get my own driver's license.
Sinjin: There was an awesome piece of chewing gum stuck to the sidewalk and it took forever to pry it loose.
Jade: The sun was especially bright this morning. Had to wait for the clouds to roll in so I could drive in the shade.
Trina: The school parking lot was full today so I had to park in the sketchy parking lot across the street. You try walking across Sunset Blvd in 7" heels.
Trina: Finding out the dude tried to ask out Tori first. There would obviously be something wrong with his brain.
Rex: Just got pink eye. Sorry, lady.
André: Finding out her last name is VanCleef. It's not like it's a common last name so she's gotta be Sinjin's relative.
Robbie: If I found out that my date was puppet-phobic. Sorry, I don't date prejudiced people.
Cat: If you had a date on a farm I guess, and there was a bunch of hay just lying around. Oh wait, I think I misunderstood the question.
Beck: Constant gum chewing… especially if it's DURING dinner. Gross.
Tori: We show up to a fancy restaurant and he says "You're paying for both of us, right?"
Sinjin: There are literally no reasons I would ever bail on a date. You hear that ladies?
Trina: Once Tori got stuck in the bathroom for three days. She lived off a balanced diet of soap and toenails until we found her.
Jade: Tori once said she wish she looked like me. Only I heard it.
Beck: Tori used to be a British soldier in her past life, which is why her British accent is so spot on.
Sinjin: In Hebrew, the name "Tori" means "a girl who can sing and dance, but sometimes dates jerks."
Cat: Tori can absolutely read minds. That's the only explanation for her knowing that I was hungry.
André: When Tori drinks caffeinated beverages, she has a tendency to yell at carrots.
Sikowitz: One time Tori gave me two dollars because she thought I was homeless. Darn, that was true. I am not good at this game.
Robbie: Tori hates salami because one time at camp, someone filled her bed with 1,000 slices of it. Wait, that actually happened to me.
Beck: Cat Fusilli
Sinjin: Tori Ravioli
André: Beck Tortellini
Cat: Jade Angel Hair
Sikowitz: Trina Gnocchi
Trina: Gnocchi doesn't nearly sound pretty enough! I want to be Trina Angel Hair.
Rex: Robbi Spaghetti
Robbie: Rex Vermicelli
Tori: Arthur J. Woolfington III
Rex: Rex. It's insulting
André: Lord Beefworth
Tori: Smelly Jelly
Robbie: Foot Sores
Beck: Rodent Acne
Jade: Nursing Home Riot
Rex: The English Dental Society
Cat: Dandruff Flakes
Lane: Lotion Motion
André: The Oatmeal Chunks
Tori: Hiiiiiiiii!!!! I came over here for some reason but now I forgot it. Okay! Byyyyyyyeeeeeeeee!!!!!
Beck: Onomatopoeia is my favorite word cuz it sounds like (read with strong Italian accent) "Anna have to pee, ya." And that's cool.
Sikowitz: My dog ate my homework then my brother ate my dog. Does that mean my brother ate my homework?
Cat: Meow! That's how cats talk! Am I doing this right?
Robbie: My brother got locked in a grocery store over the weekend without any cash on him. He was so hungry when they finally got him out.
Rex: Hello, friends. I'm Cat. I have red hair. (Man, I'm bad at impressions.)
Jade: I already did my Cat impersonation. I refuse to do it again.
Sinjin: Oh, Sinjin, may I run my hands through your thick, curly hair? She said that once. I think.
Tori: What's my favorite iCarly moment??? Hmmmm.... Oh I know, ACTUALLY PARTYING WITH THE iCARLY GANG IN PERSON. Did someone say, "iParty?"
Andre: My favorite iCarly bit was when they got that Harper kid to perform on their show. Dude can sing.
Cat: I like the Bra Who Tells Ghost Stories. Which was weird because normally, talking underwear freaks me out.
Robbie: Although I enjoy watching the guy squirt milk out of his eye, as a Lactose-Intolerant American it would end badly if I tried it.
Rex: My favorite iCarly moment was myself beating Sam in a rap contest. (I hope nobody fact checks this.)
Sinjin: As a conoisseur of fancy foot wear, I really love Spencer's light-up dress socks.
Lane: My favorite iCarly moment was when Sam did that beauty pageant tap dance routine. Fun Fact: I actually know her dance parter. People used to think we were twins!
Festus: Iam a firm believer that any kind of food can be stuffed into a taco shell. Thanks iCarly for having my back. Spaghetti Tacos!