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List of posts by Lane Alexander

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This is the page with Lane Alexander's posts on Lane Alexander didn't have a account on The Slap, at first.


  • Lane: I just joined the lotion of the month club. First up: Cookies and Cream!

  • Tori: Lane! You're on TheSlap!
    • Lane: Yeah, I thought TheSlap was student only, til I found out Sikowitz was on here, so I signed up too!
    • Sikowitz: I'm on TheSlap? Since when?

  • Lane: Attention all students: It's currently the school counselor's nap time. Try not to have any problems for the next hour. Thank you!

  • Lane: Synthetic wicker is okay, but there's nothing like the feeling of sitting on all-nature, hand-woven wicker!

  • Lane: I'm a school counselor, not a fashion consultant. I will not help you pick out your outfits every

    current avatar

    morning. So stop calling me, Trina!!!
    • Trina: Then what good are you?!?!?!

  • Lane: I would love to have a road named after me. Wouldn't it be cool to live on Lane Lane?

  • Lane: Etiquette Tip: Students should not make out in the stairwells. Besides it being tacky, it's also a fire hazard.

  • Lane: My brother's a chiropractor. He says that wicker chairs aren't good for your posture. We haven't spoken in years.

  • Lane: School is almost here! If you have any questions about your classes or need help picking out a lotion for your skin type, please feel free to ask.

  • Lane: Whoever keeps switching out my hand lotions with glue, please stop. My hands don't enjoy being stuck together.

  • Lane: My good friend FREDDIE BENSON was at the play with me last night! I've got connections! JEALOUS?!
    • André: Not really, we're ALL friends with Freddie. We met him at Kenan's party.
    • Lane: Oh. Drat! Well... I ALSO know Jack Black and that guy from The Big Bang Theory! Jealous now?
    • André: I like those guys. Can you get them to come to our performance this weekend?
    • Lane: Well I don't really know them, but I've seen them... in person.

  • Lane: Had 4 dogs follow me to school today. Guess buying bacon-scented hand lotion was kind of a bad move.

  • Lane: I found a new PearPad on the ground, so I tracked down it's owner and gave it back. I really hope the karma I just earned is worth at least $500!

  • Lane: I want to see some creativity in this year's costume contest or you're disqualified. Just wearing cat ears IS NOT a costume!
    • Cat: But I always wear cat ears!
    • Cat: Get it?
    • Cat: Cuz my name is Cat and I have ears...Cat ears!
    • Jade: Yes we get it! Now stop commenting!

  • Lane: I originally wanted to be a Guy Dance Counselor. Instead I'm just a guidance counselor. So close, but def not as cool.

  • Lane: Hit the sauna with Rex this morning. He started melting. We had to get him outta there fast!

  • Lane: How do we have 12 janitors on staff and the same dead cockroach's been in the men's bathroom all week?

  • Lane: You're supposed to tip your garbage man at the end of the year, but NOT your school counselor?! What kind of world do we live in?

  • Lane: Pickle-scented lotion = not as good as it sounds. Ew.
    • Tori: Um, if it's not as good as it sounds. And it sounds gross in the first place. It must be REALLY gross!

  • Lane: My job at the staff Christmas party: keeping Sikowitz from sitting on the photocopier again. Anyone wanna trade?

  • Lane: Anyone wanna buy a 1998 4-door sedan with 195,000 miles and an electrical issue?
    • André: Lane, you need to work on your sales pitch.

  • Lane: I got family back East complaining about shoveling snow. Meanwhile, I'm mowing my lawn. Might go swimming later. #ChristmasinCali

  • Lane: I got in trouble for dancing in the laundry room at my building. Man, those people take all the fun out of folding socks.

  • Lane: Uh oh, the coffee maker isn't working. I think I'm just going to call it a day now. Goodbye everyone.

  • Lane: Anyone wanna go with me to the International Lotion Convention this weekend? Imagine it! Lotion samples from around the world!
    • Sikowitz: Any coconut scented lotions perchance?

  • Lane: Ladies, tone down the perfume while at school! Orange + Lavender + Ocean Breeze. It smells like Mother Nature threw up.
    • Jade: Oooh, Lane. Welcome to the land of the bitter and angry! Nice to have some company!

  • Lane: Oatmeal by itself... okay. Raisins by themselves... alright. An oatmeal and raisin cookie... Heaven.

  • Lane: Had something stuck between my teeth , used my PearPhone to check it out. In related news, sorry to whomever I just sent a closeup of my molars.
    • Sikowitz: I was wondering why you sent me a picture of your tooth. Now i know, Apology accepted.

  • Lane: I got a bunch of cupcakes delivered to my office as a thank you but they didn't include any milk! How am I supposed to eat them now?

  • Lane: The best thing about pizza is eating cold pizza for breakfast the next morning. Don't knock it 'til you try it.

  • Lane: Flying to New York for the weekend. Hopefully Hollywood will still be here when I get back.

  • Lane: Almost stepped on a rattlesnake! Hiking can be dangerous!
    • Jade: Yeah, there should really be some sort of warning that you're about to step on a rattlesnake. Like a rattling noise or something.
    • Lane: No need to get all grunchy.

  • Lane: Ugh, it never rains in LA...except the day I forget to put the top up on my convertible.

  • Lane: I wish the school would let me put a jacuzzi in my office. Sometimes I think better when I soak.

  • Lane: Attention Students: We will be re-asphalting the Asphalt Cafe today. All students must eat their lunches in the indoor cafeteria.
    • Tori: We have an indoor cafeteria?
    • Jade: I refuse to believe it.
  • Lane: At airport security. They won't let me take my lotion on board. This vacation is off to a bad start.

  • Lane: I have a doctor's appointment coming up so everyone please try not to need any guidance this Thursday morning from 10-11:30.

  • Lane: I decided to taste the batter of a chocolate pound cake I was making and ended up eating the entire bowl. I preheated the oven for nothing. :(

  • Lane: I just brought towels for the guest bathroom! Wow, my vacation is so boring.

  • Lane: Playing solitaire. Three cards at a time. I know one card at a time is easier but I like living on the edge.

  • Lane: Oh no! All the lotion in my office dried out over the summer. Looks like I have some online shopping to do.

  • Lane: If I wasn't a school counselor, I'd probably be a weatherman. Believe it or not it's more predictable than teenagers!

  • Lane: No, printer you are not out of ink! I just refilled you! Don't lie to me!

  • Lane: I don't know why I even own rain boots.

  • Lane: I think all of my students are awesome! Well, except that barbershop quartet. Man, those guys are annoying.

  • Lane: Okay, watching daytime TV makes me never want to be sick enough to miss work ever again.

  • Lane:Just bought an $8 plum at Hey Foods! I don't splurge on much... but I make an exception for fancy fruits and lotions.

  • Lane: Not mentioning any names, but teachers are NOT allowed to offer extra credit to students for cleaning their houses.
    • Sikowitz: Oh, in that case, who wants to come clean my house for no extra credit?

  • Lane: From this day forth, "sassing" is strictly prohibited at Hollywood Arts. That means you, Mr. Shapiro.

  • Lane: I love all the gifts you guys gave me this year! Except the used exercise VHS. Thanks but no thanks.
    • Festus: Aww, man. I paid almost $2 for that! Talk about ungrateful.

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