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Festus PP
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This is the page of posts from Festus.


  • Festus: Don't believe the rumors. The Grub Truck DOES NOT have a rat infestation.

  • Festus: The Grub Truck will be serving Filet Mignon today to the first 2 lucky customers. The rest of you get frozen burritos.

  • Festus: Hey Buddies! I, Festus, am on TheSlap. Come to my page for all the latest Grub Truck news.

  • Festus: Going on Vacation to Hawaii!!! My family wants me to come to Yerba, but that place is a dump.
    • Tori: Festus, btw, thanks for the heads up!
    • Festus: No problem.

  • Festus: Still in Hawaii living it up! Anyone want me to bring them back something?
    • Sikowitz: Coconuts! Bring me some fresh Hawaiian coconuts!!!

  • Festus: What should I serve at the Grub Truck this week? Ravioli, Grilled Cheese, or Fish-Eye Jelly? They all sound so good I can't decide!
    • Tori: Fish-Eye Jelly? Seriously?
    • Festus: Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

  • Festus: Did you know that you're not allowed to keep chickens in your apartment in LA? What kind of backwards city is this?

  • Festus: The school won't let me set up a giant pigeon trap on the roof of the Grub Truck. Such a shame, pigeon meat is delicious.

  • Festus: I put a tip jar in the order window. You don't have to tip, but if you don't, you probably won't get your food.

  • Festus: The Grub Truck is in the shop. In the meantime, I've set up a Grub Tent. It's not as good, but it's not like you can eat anywhere else.

  • Festus: Has anyone here ever tried frog's legs? Wrong! If you've had the "chicken" at the Grub Truck... then you have!

  • Festus: I'm out sick today so the Grub Truck is closed! Please stop knocking on the window. It's annoying.
    • Tori: Wait, You're sick INSIDE the Grub Truck?
    • Jade: Ewww... Don't you have an apartment?
    • Festus: Yes, but the Grub Truck is nicer.

  • Festus: Today's Special Is: Nothing. Why do you Americans think you deserve something new every day?

  • Festus: I hate people who bring their own lunch to school. It's like you guys don't want me to be able to afford cable.

  • Festus: I'm proud to announce that the Grub Truck has now gone 14 days without a food poisoning incident. It's a new record!

  • Festus: Where is everybody? Is school closed this week? Please let me know so I can eat all these burritos myself.

  • Festus: Got some big plans for the Grub Truck in 2012. I'm changing Mystery Meat Monday to Mystery Meat Wednesday! Always an adventure!

  • Festus: It's lunchtime! Just think, everything you're eating right now was alive a week ago!
    • Tori: Once again, there goes my appetite.
    • Jade: Festus, you're my kind of guy.

  • Festus: Hold on? You're supposed to pay taxes? Can I borrow $4000 from anyone?

  • Festus: I need to work out. Anyone got any exercise programs where I wouldn't need to leave the couch or stop eating?

  • Festus: Don't belive what you hear. The Health Department DID NOT shut down the grub truck..... they just give us a very stern talking to

  • Festus: Why are people so surprised when I put mayonnaise on my burritos? Have you tried it?Its delicious

  • Festus: In honor of Easter, The Grub Truck is serving up rabbit stew
    • Tori: That's horrible! You can't serve rabbit on Easter!
    • Andre: Yeah you don't want to offend the Easter Bunny.

  • Festus: Uh, I mean vegetable stew! Absolutely no rabbit at all......even if it taste like it

  • Festus: Today's Special: Garbage Chicken. Chicken stuffed with Friday's leftovers. Mmm... Gross!

  • Festus: It's Italian Wednesday at the Grub Truck! All the enchiladas you can eat!

  • Festus: Pay no attention to the health warning sign on the Grub Truck window, it's just there for decoration.
    • Tori: The Grub Truck was given a "D" by the health department?!
    • Festus: The "D" stands for Delicious!

  • Festus: It's finger food day at the Grub Truck! Come on down for some hot clam chowder!
    • Tori: Clam chowder is NOT finger food!
    • Festus: Yeah, well, I ran out of spoons.

  • Festus: Today's special: Veggie Burgers with Bacon!
    • Tori: Doesn't that kind of defeat the point?

  • Festus: I'm kind of sick today. Hopefully no one ate the handmade quesadillas.
    • Robbie: That was the only thing on the menu!
    • Festus: Oops.

  • Festus: Hope you guys enjoyed today's mashed potatoes! Fun Fact: They contained no actual potatoes!
    • Cat: Then what was in it?
    • Festus: My little secret.
    • Tori: I'm so scared right now.

  • Festus: I was going to make my famous burritos today, but I'm all out of mayonnaise. Sorry kids.
    • Andre: Wait… you put mayo in your burritos?
    • Festus: Yep. It's the secret ingredient.
    • Beck: Well, you've totally ruined Mexican food for me. Thanks.

  • Festus: Fish is always best served a few days after it is caught. Like 9 days or more.
    • Andre: I don't think that's true.
    • Festus: Well, that's all I got.

  • Festus: I accidentally dropped a watermelon seed in my couch months ago and now a vine is growing through the cushions! Guess what's for lunch?!

  • Festus: How do they get airline food to taste so good? Man, I gotta learn their secrets.

  • Festus: @ the smog check place. Apparently the Grub Truck is "dangerously smoggy." Their words, not mine.

  • Festus: Apparently gummy bear isn't considered a meat. I have to go run to the store before lunch starts.

  • Festus: My waffle maker is broken, so just pretend the pancakes are waffles today and stop complaining.

  • Festus: There are so many wild cats in the Hollywood Arts parking lot. And cat meat is illegal in the U.S. Such a waste.

  • Festus: You haven't lived until you've had my famous butter milkshakes. The secret is the butter.

  • Festus: It's so hot you could fry an egg on the sidewalk. Which is exactly how I made your breakfasts this morning! Surprise!

  • Festus: You people need to buy more meatloaf! I always eat all of the Grub Truck's leftovers and I HATE meatloaf.
    • Andre: You could always NOT eat the leftovers.
    • Festus: I don't make the rules here buddy.

  • Festus:I submerge my submarine sandwiches in a bucket of water before serving them. It makes them more like a real submarine.

  • Festus:Thanksgiving Eve. The night when the Great Turkey comes down the chimney and puts green bean casserole in our stockings.
    • Tori:That's actually not how we celebrate Thanksgiving -- AT ALL.

  • Festus: I'm always making food for you kids. Why don't you cook for me for a change!?!

  • Festus: I can't wait to get married because I hate trimming my nose hairs all by myself.

  • Festus: Free lunch for whoever remembered my birthday yesterday!!! Oh that's right, no one remembered! No free lunches for anyone!

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