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List of posts by Beck Oliver

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This is the page of Beck Oliver's TheSlap posts!

 Posts

  • André: What's up, man? Where have you been?
    Beckseason2
    • Beck: Sick. Jade's taking care of me.
    • André: Oooh, sorry about that.
    • Beck: Hi, André. It's Jade. I'm sitting right next to Beck and NEWSFLASH: I know how to read.
    • André: Right... I was kidding. You're the best girlfriend. Sweet, caring...
    • Beck: Stop typing.

   

  • Beck: I finally picked out my Halloween costume. I'm going as a professional bowler.
    • Jade: That's stupid. I already picked out your costume. It's a white sheet.
    • Beck: A ghost?
    • Jade: No, you'd literally be NOTHING. I thought it was very clever artistic statement. And besides, if girls can't see your face, they won't hit on you.

   

  • Beck: Yep. I'm back. Jade promised to stop freaking out.
    • Jade: Hi, babe. Welcome back to theSlap.com
    • Jade: Did you see the email I sent you?
    • Jade: How come you didn't respond to my email yet?
      Ooliver

      current avatar

    • Jade: Are you getting these messages on your phone? I texted you, too!
    • Jade: BABE!
    • Beck: Do you want me to delay my account again?
    • Jade: Sorry, I'll stop. Love you.


  • Beck: Going to bed. If I post any updates in the next 8 hours, it's just me text-sleeping again.


  • Beck: I bought my girlfriend flowers. Forgot she hate flowers. Starting a list of all her "dislikes". It's LOOOONG already.


  • Jade: I can't believe you removed that you're in a relationship with me!
    • Beck: Well, you broke up with me.
    • Jade: Fine! Well, I'm removing mine, too.
    • Cat: What's going on with you two??? Someone please tell me!
    • Jade: No!

   

  • Beck: So Jade made me change my profile pic to let other girls know that we're back together. But it's a good pic, so I'll leave it up for awhile.

   

  • Beck: I switched back to my old pic... but don't worry, Jade and I didn't break up. I just really like this one.
    • Jade: I liked the other one better.
    • Beck: Knew you would ...
    • Rex: Hey, can you email me the one of you guys kissing?
    • Jade: Ew. Gross. No.


  • Beck: Earthquakes????? Nope - one of the tires on my RV just blew out. Part of the fun of living in a house on wheels.


  • Beck: Heat wave in Los Angeles. Thirsty. Thirsty. Thirsty. Please send water!


  • Beck: Someone on TheSlap is using an avatar that looks just like me as a hobo! What's up with that?


  • Beck: Where are my hair gels and stuff?
    • Jade: I removed them from your bathroom before I left for the weekend. I don't want you looking good when I'm gone.


  • Beck: Partying in Hermosa. Jade can't come. Who should I invite?
    • Sinjin: I'm available.


  • Beck: Jade's at the movies. Chilling with my dad. Feels funny to not be getting yelled at for a minute...


  • Beck: Grilling up some burgers then chilling in the RV. Andre's coming over. Couldn't be a better Friday.
    • Jade: I thought you said you can't stand guy's night out and would rather be with me.
    • Rex: The dude LOVES guy's night... See ya later Beck. I'm coming over, just gotta figure out a way to ditch Rob first.


  • Beck: Working on my car. Engine grease all over me. Should have this baby up and running soon.
    • Jade: Tell me you love me.
    • Beck: I love you.
    • Jade: Okay, resume your manly activities.
    • Beck: Thanks, babe.
    • Jade: Hot.


  • Beck: If I don't become a famous actor, my back-up plan is to sell products on TV. If you can sell a blanket with arms, you can sell anything.


  • Beck: Well, Friday. Here I am. What are you going to do with me?


  • Beck: I'm babysitting a puppy. It just peed on my bed. Puppies are gross.


  • Beck: I parked my RV in the school parking lot last night. So I literally rolled out of bed and came to class.


  • Beck: I bought one of those remotes that help you find your phone if it's lost. But now I can't find it anywhere. I need a remote for my remote.


  • Beck: Thinking about getting a tattoo on my shoulder. What should it say?


  • Beck: I was in a movie. Then I was out of the movie. Now I'm back in the movie. Interesting week.


  • Beck: Sikowitz's van smells like cheese. The ping pong team should really get their own bus.


  • Beck: Just witnessed a mad hot-cheese attack! Now, I'm gonna go feel Andre's feet some more.


  • Beck: Had to pick up some production equipment in Burbank today and drove by a high school that looks exactly like Hollywood Arts. Weird.


  • Beck: What's the best part of staying up late? It's 1 am and I got nothin' to do. Suggestions?


  • Beck: sittin' in Sikowit's class. Should i tell him that he has bits of cheese stuck in his hair?


  • Beck: Dilemma: My hair got stuck in my car door today. Should I cut it?
    • Jade: Don't even think about it. And why are you asking anyone besides me?!?


  • Beck: Happy Veterans Day. I'm dating Jade so I know exactly what they've been through.


  • Beck: 2 Days of school next week! Thank you Thanksgiving!


  • Beck: Did you here my girl singing at the Karaoke-Dokie? Talk about hot.
    • Jade: You better have meant me.
    • Beck: I did.
    • Tori: What? No love for Louise Nordoff?
    • Jade: Shut it Louise.


  • Beck: I wonder who was the FIRST person to eat cheese. How did they know eating mold would be good?


  • Beck: Weekend Plans: Surfing or Snowboarding? I love L.A.


  • Beck: What is a one-horse open sleigh? Aren't all sleighs open?


  • Beck: Airplanes fly. True story.


  • Beck: Another question for you: What the heck does Auld Lang Syne mean? I'm literally to tired to look it up.


  • Beck: Someone told me my hair was so shiny, they could see their reflection in it.
    • Jade: Um, does this person have a name, address, phone number??
    • Beck: It was my dad.
    • Jade: Anyway, what time is dinner tonight?


  • Beck: Went to the park with Jade ... She tripped a five-year old. BAD IDEA.


  • Beck: I lost a bet to Andre. Now my Diddly Bop costume is my profile pic for the week. Thanks again man.


  • Beck: Was invited on a private yacht with an all-girl band. Jade said no. Now, we're watching a chick flick together. Yay.


  • Beck: Still confused about what makes pink lemonade pink.


  • Beck: The best thing about dating Jade is not having to buy any Valentine's Day gifts. Saves me like $35 bucks.
    • Jade: You were only going to spend $35 bucks on me!!!!! That's it. I want flowers and jewelry NOW.


  • Beck: How come monkey get tails and we don't?
    • Sinjin: I kinda had a tail but the doctors removed it when I was 4.


  • Beck: I just took the "What Job Suits You Best" test and it said I should either be a actor or an elephant trainer ... think I'll stick with actor.


  • Beck: Spring break is in a few weeks, so ... vacation ideas: Mexico or Canada? decisions ... decisions...


  • Beck: Had to move my house so my dad could get something out of the garage. How many people can say that? #livinginanRV


  • Beck: I'm eating a bagel. Wow that should not have been a stupid update. Sorry.


  • Beck: Anyone Canadian out there? Please tell Jade there's nothing wrong with being born in Canada?
    • Jade: Yeah sure, like I'm going to trust the word of an Canadian.


  • Beck: If I were going to be deserted on an island and could only bring one thing, I'd bring my PearPad.
    • Jade: I'd rethink that answer if I were you.


  • Beck: Man, how do girls wear these heels? Feet hurt so bad ... gonna go stick 'em in a tub of cold butter.


  • Beck: coffee coffee coffee coffee coffeeeeeeee!!!! ah, back to normal ... ;-) Well, as close to normal as I'm going to get.


  • Beck: Will someone please tell Jade that ordering her a salad does not mean I think that she's fat?!
    • Jade: I still can't believe you did that.
    • Beck: You wouldn't tell me what you wanted!
    • Jade: You should be able to read my mind!


  • Beck: There was literally a couch in the middle of the freeway this morning. Ah, the joys of driving in LA.


  • Beck: Gotta help a friend move to the valley this Saturday.... Sometimes it's not fun being the guy with the truck.
    • Jade: What?! This Saturday?! AND MISS MY PLAY?!?!
    • Beck: But it's not your play. You're Tori's understudy.
    • Jade: Yes... unless something happens to her, which it MIGHT!
    • Tori: Jade! Stop saying that!


  • Beck: Going to Canada for a father-son fishing trip. My dad thinks Canadian fish taste better than American ones.


  • Beck: Hanging out at a friend's movie set and all they have at craft service is refrigerated mussels. I'm almost hungry enough to eat them.


  • Beck: I'm UN-SCARE-ABLE! Nothing frightens me at all. Well, except maybe Jade. Ha, JK sweetie.


  • Beck: Asked my dad what he wants for Father's Day. He said, "For you to break up with Jade." He's still mad about the whole dog attack thing.


  • Beck: Jade is the best girlfriend ever. Jade is beautiful. Jade is better than anyone else.
    • Beck: Guess who logged onto my account and wrote this?


  • Beck: I literally only own like 3 pairs of socks. Should probably go shopping soon.



  • Beck: Sitting on a floaty in a pool at a Hollywood Mansion. Things could be worse.
    • Jade: What?? Why wasn't I invited?
    • Andre: Eating Beck's famous BBQ ribs. He just grilled up a rack of 'em. Things could be worse.
    • Jade: You took Andre as your plus one?!?! Things WILL get worse!


  • Beck: Jade once told me if I ever grew a mustache she would never kiss me again. At least profile-me can sport one. Lucky chap.


  • Beck: My hair's too thick to wear a baseball cap. Life is hard.


  • Beck: They just discontinued my favorite hair gel. I'm currently on step 3 of the grieving process.


  • Beck: Don't wear flannel in the valley. It's 102 degrees. My sweat is sweating.
    • Cat: Boys wear so much clothes


  • Beck: My neighborhood car wash says they'll clean any vehicle for $10. So I drove my house over there. I think they hate me.


  • Beck: At the beach one last time before school starts. I'll miss you Summer. Don't forget to write.
    • Jade: Who's Summer??!!! And why are you at the beach with her?
    • Beck: We need to talk about your jealousy issues.


  • Beck: A bird just pooped on my head during lunch. He's been eyeing me for days and he finally struck. Anyone got a napkin?


  • Beck: Okay guys here are my choices for the weekend: Go to a film festival in Newport or go scissor shopping with Jade. What should I do?
    • Jade: There's only one right answer to that question.
    • Tori: Scissor shopping? Is that a real thing?


  • Beck: I get all my fashion inspiration from 80's teen movies. Today I'm rocking the jean jacket and fingerless gloves. Wanna join the club?


  • Beck: Name something you've never worn or ever plan on wearing. I'll start: khakis.
    • Sinjin: Relaxed fit jeans.
    • Rex: Underpants.


  • Beck: Weird how you can be washing your car one min and then out of nowhere a bunch of girls show up and a huge bikini water fight breaks out?!
    • Jade: WHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!
    • Beck: Ha. Just kidding.

  • Beck: I got an actual letter in the mail today! That hasn't happened in years! It was junk mail, but it was still kind of cool.


  • Beck: It seems some guys have forgotten men's room etiquette. We DO NOT talk while side by side at the urinals. Got it?
  • Robbie: But I just wanted your opinion on my new pants!


  • Beck: Jade just called and asked if she could borrow 200 rolls of toilet paper. Should I give them to her or call the cops?


  • Beck: I wish I could use a remote control to put Trina on mute. She's trying to sing an Adele song. TRYING.


  • Beck: Shopping with Jade. While she tries on 24 different black shirts, I'll watch the football game on my phone.


  • Beck: Tomorrow is "Wear a Kilt Day" at Hollywood Arts. Should I participate?
    • Jade: You better not. I don't want a boyfriend who looks better in a skirt than I do.


  • Beck: It's 6 AM and I haven't gone to bed yet. Do I even attempt to go to sleep or just try to make it thru the rest of the day?


  • Beck: Didn't get much sleep last night... wish I could be a girl for a day and cover up my under-eye circles with some makeup.


  • Beck: Why is everyone saying I drink too much coffee!!!! I DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH COFFEE!!! Aaaahhh!!!! My heart is vibrating!!!! Ineedsomemorecoffee!!!!


  • Beck: Just had to do an emotional scene while wearing green, full-body tights with ping pong balls all over 'em. Motion capture acting is weird.


  • Beck: Got a Christmas package from my Canadian grandma—a jar of maple syrup and a DVD set of Degrassi. Does she know me or what?


  • Beck: Why do we say "Merry Christmas" in America? We don't say "Merry Halloween!" What gives?
    • Sikowitz: I say Merry Halloween.
    • Jade: Yeah, but you're weird so you don't count.


  • Beck: Having a great time at the New Year's Eve party! Even Jade's having fun. Of course she calls it a "Death of 2011 Party."


  • Beck: The rose parade should be closer to Valentine's Day. That way you can just pic flowers off the street to give to your girlfriend.


  • Beck: Jade almost beat up a girl for feeling my hair. That girl was my hairdresser. Next time I get a trim, she'll have to wait in the car.


  • Beck: It's almost beach season! Wait, what am I talking about? It's always beach season around here!


  • Beck: Vice Principal Dickers is my favorite person ever. (Hoping this update will get me OUT of detention next time.)


  • Beck: Hangin' with Tori at the Gorilla Club, teaching her how to be a risk taker. She hasn't died yet. I think we're off to a good start.
    • Jade: Well, maybe next time.


  • Beck: Single. Yup.
    • Robbie: I think I'm going to cry.
    • Beck: Don't worry, man. It's gonna be okay.


  • Beck: Every time I fill up my gas tank, I wish that someone would invent teleportation already.


  • Beck: On an indie film set at 4:30 am. Sooo tired. The craft service coffee is NOT working.


  • Beck: I had to take my house to get an oil change today… I do live in an RV, remember.


  • Beck: Today is Good Friday. But isn't every Friday good? Is today like the King of Fridays or something? Whoa, this status just went into Cat mode.


  • Beck: Went Easter Egg hunting with my cousin and found an egg from last year. Better late than never.


  • Beck: Girls are always asking me to drive them to school. I don't think most of them go to Hollywood Arts though. Weird.


  • Beck: At a friend's really terrible play. I'm like the only one still left in the theater. Think I can sneak out during intermission?


  • Beck: Sometimes I forget how cool it is that I can see the Hollywood sign from my house.


  • Beck: Accidentally just brewed a whole pot of coffee. If no one comes over to help me drink it, i'm going to have a very long and jittery night.


  • Beck: No the rumors aren't true, I DID NOT kiss Tori. She DID spit a chewed-up hoagie into my hand though.


  • Beck: Someone broke into my RV and only stole 1 permanent marker. Worst robbery ever.


  • Beck: I did absolutely nothing today. Nada. Not a thing. Just wanted to let everyone know that.


  • Beck: I know you're not supposed to eat in the library, but I snuck in some crackers anyway. I like to live dangerously.


  • Beck: There's nothing worse than ordering pasta and finding the waiter's armpit hair in your food.
    • Rex: Oh no, there's much worse than that.
    • Beck: Please don't talk about it.


  • Beck: Remember that cricket that kept waking me up? Well, I think he found his way back back to my bedroom. That, or his family is seeking revenge.


  • Beck: Come see my new short film "The Blonde Squad." It's got everything you need in a movie: Birds, blondes, and bananas!


  • Beck: Happy Canada Day! It's just like the 4th of July but with a lot more hockey and flannel.


  • Beck: Reading Hamlet in English class. Spoiler Alert: Everyone dies at the end.


  • Beck: Just won concert tickets over the radio. All I had to do was answer a trivia question NOT eat 100 cartons of ice cream. So much simpler this way.


  • Beck: My mom's gotta start warning me when she adds extra chlorine to the pool. My eyes are currently burning. Ahhh!


  • Beck: Yesterday, my waitress asked me if I would marry her. She was elderly and missing several teeth. Guess I won't go to that waffle place anymore.


  • Beck: My locker is broken. It won't close. Probably shouldn't be telling everyone on TheSlap.


  • Beck: Okay, I need a text book for bowling class. I would only understand this if I was throwing the book at the pins.


  • Beck: So it's Labor Day, huh? It's hard to get excited about a holiday without a mascot.


  • Beck: Going to a midnight marathon of all 6 Galaxy Wars movies. Who needs sleep, right?


  • Beck: My aunt just got me a fern for my birthday. Okay, first, it's not even my birthday today and even if it was…. a fern?


  • Beck: Out with Tori on an "Opposite Date." Real dates don't end with the purchase of dog ointment.


  • Beck: My first Halloween without Jade. Guess i won't have to watch 31 horror movies this month.


  • Beck: Has anyone seen my friend Moose? He's been captured by 4 female lunatics.


  • Beck: Just got some little kids come to my RV asking for candy. I didn't have any, so I gave them bottled water. Hope I don't get egged later.


  • Beck: I can't decide if I'm more hungry or thirsty. I guess I'm a little of both. I'm Thungry.


  • Beck: Wow! Just realized I wore glow in the dark socks today. Where should I go tonight to show them off?


  • Beck: The weather is a little too cool for iced coffee and a little too warm for hot coffee. What do I do? #CoffeeConfusion


  • Beck: Dating Jade's not easy. But it's worth it. Besides, easy is boring.


  • Beck: At the Cow Wow and just found a wiener in my punch. Still gonna drink it though.


  • Beck: Pro Tip: Compliment Sikowitz on his cologne today and he'll give you 5 bonus points on today's test.
    • Sikowitz: It's true! I will!


  • Beck: I have a coupon for Nozu that expires Jan 1st 2013. I only have 2 hours left to use it. Let's all get some sushi!


  • Beck: I don't think I want to be Doinked again. Not really a fan of the experience.


  • Beck: Boy, it's so hot right now. Guess I better go wash my car. I'll be live streaming it just in case anything "interesting" happens.


  • Beck: I wish I could call a restaurant to deliver one pack of gum to me. I don't have time to go to the store before my date tonight.


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