André: Buffalo nuggets = My new favorite food. Sorry spicy tuna, you've been replaced.
André: I bought fancy socks and the only people who have ever seen them were at airport security. Sock Fail.
André: Does anyone else think that the idea of a grown man in a costume coming down your chimney is weird?
André: Gonna be the ONLY one on here NOT posting about Chistmas! Awww, man. I mentioned Christmas.
André: Bought my grandma flowers today. She flipped 'cuz she swears the thorns are little tiny cameras for spying.
André: Uh, before you use the bathroom in someone's house, make sure they got toilet paper!
André: Would it kill somebody to kiss me on New Year's Eve? I'll take a cheek!
André: Man, first 4,000 birds fall from the sky then the milk in my fridge expired. What next??
André: I can't fake cry. What is wrong with me?
André: Why would anyone tie their feet to a board and jump off a mountain in the freezing stone? #snowboardingisstupid
André: Y'know, Wednesday is one of the weirdest looking words in the English language.
André: Every day I go to class and crave coconut milk. Sikowitz won't share.
André: Nobody offers to tickle my tummy. :(
André: Are fist bumps still cool? Cuz Robbie just tried to fist bump me. I don't think it's cool anymore. No offense Rob.
André: Sick. :( But I heard coughing is actually a good ab workout. Cough. Cough.
André: Is there anything that doesn't taste better BBQ'd? I dare you to name it.
Tori: Cereal.
Robbie: Milk.
Beck: Sushi.
André: Okay okay, I guess most things taste worse BBQ'd. My bad.
André: The Bad News: Security had to haul my cousin Kendra away. The Good News: She got offered her own talk show.
André: I accidentlally stepped in some wet cement so I went ahead and put my hand prints in too and signed it. Maybe it'll be worth something some day.
André: Just found week-old ravioli in my locker. Gave it to Sinjin. He seemed happy enough about it.
André: Found out the Grub Truck started selling sushi. Call me crazy but I am NOT eating sushi out of a truck.
André: How exactly does someone "crawl like a centipede"? I wrote the lyrics to "Beggin' on Your Knees" and even I'm not sure what it means.
André: Do you think regular pizza is jealous of pepperoni pizza?
André: My neighbor is selling his "keytar" (you know that keyboard you play like a guitar). Should I buy it? Cool or dorky?
André: @ a private Ke$ha concert! Only had to go through 617 cartons of ice cream to win it!!! Wait, it probably would have been cheaper to buy tickets.
André: You know why I never learned the trumpet? The spit valve. I don't wanny play an instrument that stores my drool.
André: Ow. Fell asleep on my keys. Remind me to NEVER do that again.
André: My grandma got freaked out when my PearPhone rang, so she smashed it with a hammer. Guess it's time to get the new PearPhone 8G...
André: Finally managed to detach Sherry's lips from my face. My poor lips need a vacation.
Rex: Robbie's lips need a job.
André: Had to break up with Sherry. She's doing fine... my lips are finally getting back in 'em.
André: Guess who I'm hangin' with RIGHT NOW?! Kenan Thompson! Dude is so cool. I'll tell you all about it later!
André: There's NO PARTY AT KENAN'S house! Don't listen to that puppet. (Ah, man...Kenan's gonna kill me.)
Rex: Ha, ha,ha!
André: My grandma just used my PearPad as a cookie sheet. Today I learned PearPads are not oven-safe.
Beck: Didn't you just have to replace your PearPhone?
André: Yeah, this woman is costing me a fortune.
André: I've got a bad case of the Thursdays. Not sure what it means, but I got it bad.
André: I'm allergic to dust mites and my grandma is scared of the vacuum cleaner. Something's got to give.
André: Anyone else think Beck kinda looks like Elvis?
André: Reason I love L.A. #3457: Avocado tree in my backyard = Fresh guacamole whenever I want!
André: Gonna rent a boat this weekend. Just call me Captain Andre! Gonna rock that boat!
André: Taking a break from the world! Not answering my direct messages, my private messages, my voicemail messages, my emails, my texts. #nothingpersonal
André: Going to the zoo for the first time in forever. I hope the monkeys don't mock me again. Traumatized me for years!
André: I gotta go break up with a girl who THINKS she's my girlfriend—she's NOT. Can someone say obsessive texter?
André: Used to be I couldn't get stung by a bee... now they won't leave me alone! Maybe I should stop using honey-scented bodywash...
André: Why do I watch movies about horses? They always die in the end! Anyone got any tissues?
André: I went to a party and took Sinjin as my wingman. I blame myself for going home dateless.
André: I'm horrible at tennis, ping pong, squash and badminton. I should really stay away from racket-based sports
Sinjin: Hey man, do you wanna play some racquetball this weekend?
André: Did you even look at my status update?
Sinjin: No, I usually just comment on things without reading them.
André: Had a blast on my date with Keeko... NO THANKS TO YOU GUYS AND YOUR ENDLESS FLASHBACKS!
Cat: I never got to do a flashback. boo :(
Jade: You did, but it wasn't yours. You can have some oatmeal now. Pick yourself up some on your way over here—and get me a lemonade.
André: Dear Neighbors, I'll stop playing the drums at night if you stop mowing your lawns at 6:30 in the morning. Deal?
André: I have nothing to talk about this week. Nope. Nothing. I don't have a crush on anybody! Stop asking me! Ahhh! I'm going wonky over here!
André: I just found a picture of me as a little kid dressed as a blue dinosaur named Zeebo. Man, what a terrible costume.
André: I couldn't cut it as an eskimo. The water in my shower turned cold for like 3 seconds and I nearly froze to death.
André: My neighbor is a fortune teller. Ironically, she couldn't predict her car was gonna get towed this morning. #FortuneFail.
André: My grandma refuses to shower. She says she doesn't trust "indoor rain".
André: I've got 3 thanksgiving dinners I have to go to: my grandma's, my dad's, and my new gf's. I'm gonna be so full of pecan pie I might explode.
André: When I get older, I want to have a helicopter so I never have to sit in traffic. I'd also like a pretty girl to ride in the helicopter with me.
André: Even though my teacher gave my Christmas song a D, I respect his decision. I just think he needs to see a doctor to get his stupid ears checked!!!
André: It's hard to get excited for Christmas without snow. Anybody know how much a snowmaker costs?
Cat: You can borrow my portable snowmaker from the Sky Store!
André: No thanks. I want snow that won't kill me if eaten.
André: Going to a Christmas party/ugly sweater competition. I borrowed a sweater from Sikowitz. Think I'm going to win this year.
André: Why do I wait until the last minute every year to go shopping? I'm the 146th person in line at the store. Just so I can buy my grandma a new pair of PJs.
Tori: New PJs?
André: Yeah, she burned her last pair because she thought they were haunted. Don't ask.
André: Thought things were going great with this new girl til she texted me and called me Arnold. Dating fail!
André: My little cousin just owned me in video game bowling. I feel so ashamed.
André: Why are Inside-Out burgers so addictive??? 2 hours 'til dinner. Don't think I can wait! I need me some of that meaty goodness now!
André: Whoever just shouted "Hi" and "What's up?" to me on Sunset... I know I said "What's up?" back, but I couldn't tell who it was ... Sorry lol
André: Every time I see a girl with a tattoo of her bf's face I think, "Ya know that's gonna hurt to remove when y'all break up."
André: I'm under so much pressure to be the best. If only I was okay with being mediocre.
André: Should I dump my horrible girlfriend tonight BEFORE singing for her big-shot dad or AFTER? Ah, my conscience hurts!
André: Beck and I are playing identical twins in a new play. I just hope my grandma will be able to tell us apart.
André: Just got a giant paper cut. C'mon paper! What did I ever do to you? I thought we were tight!
André: How come every weekend I plan to go to the beach it has to rain? Nature is toying with me.
André: The thing I'll miss most about April Fools' Day is the feeding children. Why can't we have children feed us the other 364 days of the year?
André: My grandma just washed and dried my shoes in the laundry. On the plus side, they look brand new... but now they're two sizes too small.
André: You know you're tired when you try to lock an ATM with your car keys.
André: I really wish my grandma would stop dumping her bowl of oatmeal in my car. It's not doing anything for the resell value.
André: Met a girl at the gas station today. I wrote her a song while she pumped. Can't get more romantic than that.
André: I gotta take my computer keyboard to the sssssssshop. My sssssssss key keepssssssss ssssssssssticking.
André: No matter how bad my day's been, I always feel better when I get a guitar in my hands.
Andre: Festus just de-friended me. I think it's because I bad mouthed his meatloaf. I'm sorry Festus, I take it back.
Festus: Never diss a man's meatloaf.
Andre: Met Bruno Mars in a bathroom stall today. Gotta say, he's the coolest pop star i ever saw sitting on a toilet.
Andre: Apparently i've had a giant wad of spinach stuck in my teeth all day and not one of you said anything to me. Thanks guys! (That's sarcasm btw.)
Andre: I asked my grandma for a B.L.T. She made me a butter, lemon, and toffee sandwich. I think I'll make my own from now on.
Andre: I'm trying to write a new song about fitness. Does anyone have a good word that rhymes with cardiovascular?
Andre: I used to own a fish. But my grandma got rid of it because she said it was always staring at her.
Andre: Missing: Larry the Parrot. Reward: Well, I don't have any money, but I'll write any kind of song you want. (Except Country. Just not my thing.)
Andre: Boys bathroom is under construction so we have to use the girls' room. It's so nice in here. I don't think I can go back.
Andre: At the Asphalt Cafe. Just watched a guy in a chicken suit ride by on a unicycle. This school isn't normal.
Andre: Going golfing for the first time ever. I'm awesome at putt putt so I hope the skills carry over.
Andre: Just met a Lady Gaga look-a-like at the bus stop. Oh I forgot to mention he's an overweight, middle-aged man. Wish my car wasn't in the shop.
Andre: Just got back to school and found out my keyboard locker is out of tune. #HollywoodArtsProblems
Andre: My face when I got the last baked clam at lunch: :D My face when I realized It was just an empty shell: :'-(
Andre: My doctor just diagnosed me with Collywobbles. Sounds like a bad kids' music group.
Andre: There was a rat in my locker today. I knew I shouldn't have been storing cheese in there
Andre: Yes, I know! Beck and I are wearing the exact same clothes today and NO we didn't plan it out. Please keep your funny comments to yourself.
Andre: Why does Robbie always do the giggle chin when he flirts? And would it work if I started doing it?
Andre: My grandma left town cuz she thinks there'll be an earthquake tomorrow. I laughed at first, but now I'm all freaked out. Somebody hold me.
Andre: After being stuck with Robbie for 12 hours in a pear costume, I can't even look at green fruit anymore without feeling anxiety.
Andre: Why have I never heard of liquid bandages before?!? I can't wait to get a paper cut so I can try it out!
Andre: I've been celebrating Halloween since Friday. Now it's here and I'm tired of partying. Probably gonna go to bed early tonight.
Andre: Okay, I COULD go and do some sit-ups right now OR I could go ahead and eat this third slice of pie. Decisions, decisions.
Andre: Standing in line to buy a new Pear Pad. And I don't even have to dress up like a pear to do it. Life is good.
Andre: I can't even look at a roll of toilet paper right now without getting chills. Can Jade really kill someone with it? Scary stuff, man.
Andre: I know I'm supposed to get out of bed, but I can't. Curse you incredibly warm and comfy electric blanket!
Andre:My grandma put our Christmas tree in the toilet to water it. It's a plastic tree. Whole lotta wrong with this situation.
Andre: Accidentally shrunk a t-shirt in the dryer. I was mad until all the girls started asking me if I work out. Best mistake I ever made
Andre: Why's everybody gotta be so down on fruitcake? I love the stuff. Eating some right now. MMMmmmmmmmm fruit cake.
Andre: No Grandma, aliens aren't attacking the Earth. Those are fireworks. It happens every year.
Andre: Chillin' at Tori's, eating a mediocre pot pie. But like I always say, "An okay pot pie is better than no pot pie."
Tori: First of all, I can't believe you ATE our entire Family Pot Pie! And second, I've never actually heard you say that.
Andre: Umm, guys… go check out Cat's profile page. Girl's gone on a tweet rampage!
Andre: Yes, our Slap competition was petty and wrong… but look at all the followers I got! Oh yeah! People love themselves some Andre
Andre: Babysitting my nephews. One of 'em just spilled OJ on my keyboard. I don't think $10 and hour even begins to cover this.
Andre: Hanging with that smelly-footed weirdo, Posey, and sippin' on nasty tomato juice. And I can't say NO! Curse you Sikowitz!!!
Added by Kyleigh Elisabeth Heredia
Added by Catsvalentine
Added by Quinha
