"This is me and Tori. In my country, if you stand this close to a woman you are automatically married. Congratulations, me!" - Festus from TheSlap
"This is my brother Sgrodis. In Yerbanian "Sgrodis" means "Younger Brother"... but he's 4 years older than me. My parents weren't very creative—or bright." - Festus from TheSlap
"Uh oh, Beck better watch the back of his head. Fluffy American Boy Hair is often sold for up to $400 per strand on the Yerbanian black market." - Festus from TheSlap
"Not sure why Andre is complaining about his Vampire Moth bite. They say it's very lucky. The last time I got bit by one of those I won the Yerbanian lotto -- the jackpot was fourty-two American dollars." - Festus from TheSlap
"The Chancellor became very fond of Cat. He even joined Splashface to friend her and he put this picture on all of the Yerbanian money." - Festus from TheSlap
"In America, doctors go to school for something like 8 years. In Yerba, doctors learn all their skills by playing that surgery video game -- it only takes 4 months to become certified... or until you beat the game, whichever comes first." - Festus from TheSlap
"This kind of lizard likes to be pet and cuddled. Unwanted women in Yerba often collect them for companionship." - Festus from TheSlap
"Andre and his new dance partner, Lumpy, get funky wih the musics. That's an American expression, right?" - Festus from TheSlap
"The thing that upset Robbie the most about being in jail was that he fit perfectly into a woman's jumpsuit. The thing that made him happiest? That Rex wasn't there to make fun of him for it." - Festus from TheSlap
"Who is this foxy woman between Cat and Tori? She is perfect Yerbanian lady. In Yerba a good wife would be able to pick you up and carry you like a baby." - Festus from TheSlap
"While Tori suffers in jail. Sikowitz tries to perfect his Slap profile pic. Beck is impressed." - Festus from TheSlap
"This girl has as many problems as the ocean has sand. Whenever she comes by my truck I shut the window and pretend I'm on a bathroom break." - Festus from TheSlap
"This octopus is like the Yerbanian Statue of Liberty... and this nub, as you Americans say, murdered it. I never liked this boy. I will now spit in his food regularly." - Festus from TheSlap
"Look at this kid's hair (the one on the right). If I were to sell those locks, I'd have enough cash to buy a second Grub Truck. I've always wanted a truck at Pacific Coast Academy." - Festus from TheSlap
"For such a horrible country, Yerba does have a pretty fancy sound system in its jails." - Festus from TheSlap
"Those kids are lucky. The prison guards let them keep their shoes. Back when I went to jail in Yerba, we were barefoot. I still have a Yerbanian screw in my left foot." - Festus from TheSlap
"What's the little redhead looking at? She's freaking me out." - Festus from TheSlap
"Okay, that's it. Show's over. (P.S. Mention this photo gallery at the Grub Truck and get 4 cents off your next purchase of $20 or more. You're welcome.)" - Festus from TheSlap